To twin or not to twin? That’s the question that has been on my mind over the last few weeks as we move forward with infertility treatments. What do I mean by this? Well, in the world of IVF you get to choose (or your doctor recommends) how many fertilized embryos to transfer during your cycle. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you will actually become pregnant with twins or that the process will end in a pregnancy at all – but the chances are way higher than natural conception (about 35% chance). It’s all very overwhelming and a super bizarre choice to make. It seems like I’ve been seeing twins EVERYWHERE since this process started in the Spring. Who knows – it could be the same weird phenomenon when you decide to get a new car and you see that same color and model everywhere.

For instance, last month when me and Nick were heading to Mexico, we flew out of Milwaukee. Our flight was at 7AM and although the airport was mostly empty, there were two twin toddlers running around together with their mom running right behind them laughing and picking up their dropped toys. I thought to myself – are they natural twins? Are they IVF babies? How did that mom feel when she saw those two little heart beats?

My husband is a twin – actually an identical twin. I’ve seen such greatness between him and his brother with tons of shared stories, memories, similar emotions, and an over arching love for each other. They have such a cool bond together and it’s one that I can only sit back and admire. Nick thinks it would be so cool to have twins together – although we would obviously be happy with just one very special Stammen baby. Other considerations like health of the babies, early delivery, expenses (hello double the diapers), and more have been circling in my mind concerning our future treatment.

So that’s what’s been going on as of late. I know that God will make the decision abundantly clear when the time comes because after all it really isn’t MY decision but HIS. I fully put all of my trust in this modern medicine miracle but also know that this is just all part of my plan thanks to God. I’m going to keep the rest of those small intimate decisions between myself and my husband but I did want to share just one of the MANY decisions couples have to consider while going through infertility treatments.

On another note, I started my shots last night! I quite literally freaked out for an hour leading up to the actual injection. It’s so weird – but I was actually really scared. Like, so scared that my entire body was slippery with sweat and my heart rate doubled from its resting pace. Nick kept saying, “I’ll do it! I’ll do it”, but I know that he travels most of the week and this was something I needed to get over and do myself. So, after an hour of pinching the skin of my stomach between my fingers and calling my best friend for a pep talk – I finally did it. Guess what, me pinching my skin hurt worse!!! So far, no allergic reactions or bruising and I slept like a baby last night. I’m hoping the next few weeks go in the same direction!

Another common side affect is severe bloating and temporary weight gain so over the next few weeks I am going to be monitoring and sharing how true this “common” side effect actually is. Below I am posting what I looked like right at the start of my shots (Monday) and next week I’ll do a comparison for the pure reason of curiosity and being totally truthful about the process. (NOTE: NO! I am not posting photos to brag, be perverted, or have men gawk at me… come on let’s stop with the whispers and be adults, please). 

I would be lying if I said I didn’t care about what I look like or my body image – I am a normal human being after all and my profession is fitness… but I’m trying to stay as active as possible and continuing to focus on my nutrition like I always do.

As always, thanks for reading as I try to open up about the reality of infertility. Twin or not – I’m happy to be given a chance to grow our family and to continually get support from all of my family and friends. I love you guys!

-DBB